and on it goes...

Well, it has been one year exactly since I picked up my boys in that orphanage to bring them home.  I can’t believe it.  It feels like just yesterday, yet it feels like they have been here for as long as I can remember.  As this blog has been neglected for the entire year I think that it shall now serve as my own little space for self-reflection as I don’t believe anyone will be following it by now.

What have I not learned over this past year?  Actually what have I not learned over the past decade???  Although I would like to forget some parts of the harder years (and harder years there were), they are part of who I am today and I am a much different and stronger girl because of them.  I have had 3 little amazing people placed in my lap to bless me as their lucky mother.  I have gone through two devastating divorces.  They say the stress and sorrow of going through a divorce can takes years off of your life, and I can see how that can be true.  I have started and graduated law school as a single mom, and through some undeserved miracle I landed the greatest job working in the greatest office helping those that no one wants to help.  I have learned the meaning of true friends, those who lift you up versus those who would kick you when you’re down.  I have seen such strength of human spirit and such devastating hopelessness.  I have seen mansions and wealth and shanties of poverty.  I have witnessed miracles.  I have witnessed devils.  I have seen lies as transparent as crystal and truths as murky as mud.  I have learned and re-learned my many faults.  I have embraced my many strengths.  I have learned how to stick up for myself when it is time, no matter what the consequence and never look back.  As if it was possible, I have grown even closer to my own family, my amazing mom, sisters, brother and dad.  I have felt the hand of generations before me playing a vivid role in my present and future. I have learned that I am capable of anything as long as I rely on my Father in Heaven.  I have felt pride, shame, anger and love for myself.  I have shared the past six years with the greatest man on earth, through some very low lows and, more recently, some very high highs.  I have learned to rely on others.  I have been humbled and lifted up.  I have learned not to care so much what others think.  I have spent holidays crying and holidays laughing.  I have laughed so hard I cried and cried so hard I laughed.  I have been brought to my knees by the hurts of others and brought there again by others’ kindness.  In short, I have lived and learned a whole lot and I am certain that there is a lot more of that ahead.

I do feel that I have been allowed a little breather however.  This past year has been without question the greatest year of my life.  I do not recall ever feeling so blessed and happy, ever.  Not that I haven’t had plenty of happy times in the past.  But, this is a feeling of fullness, like everything I ever wanted is right here.  I feel that so much it scares me a little.  Like, when is the other shoe going to hit the floor?  But, living that way would waste what I have been given, so I am choosing to enjoy it.  These 3 little children are mine and were mine from the beginning.  They are so familiar to me.  These 2 little boys have amazed me with their resilience in adapting to an entirely new universe.  They are full of fearlessness and adventure.  They will become whatever they want to be.  And their sister is every bit as amazing.  She is confident and happy and certain of who she is.  I am as grateful as a person can possibly be.  And just in case any other parent going through the long and difficult adoption process is reading this, let me just say, that it is worth it.

And now, a few of the gabillion photos I have taken over the past year... :)

playing at the highschool...

cousins and pj's

soccer...

bear lake...

ashley turned 3!

London turned 8!

Mick started kindergarten and turned 6!

Newport and disneyland

Halloween and Thanksgiving...

this, by the way, is Mickenson's cousin and best friend, Benson:

Real games...

first christmas: gingerbread houses :)

Temple sealing